Father’s Day field guide: How to survive the wilds of fatherhood

Dads are supposed to give advice: it’s in the job description. But sometimes a dad’s inner sphinx speaks more mysteriously than he should, like when he gave this recent (and only slightly exaggerated) advice to my son:

“Always give 110%. Even though that’s not really possible, because 100% is the maximum amount of anything because it’s everything. And you can’t really add 10% to everything, you know what I mean? Sure you do! Now go get ’em, buddy!”

Many dads are still boys at heart. Or at least at taste buds. I know I am. In the extraordinary event that I’m in charge of providing nourishment to my growing offspring, Chef Boy-R-Dad has a few go-to recipes. Here’s one I’ll share:

Open cereal box. Pour cereal in bowl. Add milk.

I feel it’s just a matter of time before I’m approached to star in my own cooking show. Or NOT cooking show, to be precise.

I am not a handy man. Not. At. All. Still, from time to time a small repair needs to be made and The Super springs to action. For better or worse. Usually the latter.

Oh, who am I kidding—always the latter. There’s a towel rack right now that’s mocking me with its loose right side. I hear it in my sleep: “Fix me, Super. Fix me…if you dare!”

I’m thinking we’ll just move.

Lots of dads are grill kings, but I’m often a different kind of griller: I grill my kids with question after question until even I get tired of hearing The Griller’s voice.

Take, for example, a grueling evening routine that my son frequently endures: “How was your day?” The Griller asks. “What did you do? Who did you do it with? Were you warm enough? Cool enough? Do your shoes still fit? Did you remember to breathe in and out all day long?”

Parents of more than one child know how hard it is to keep two or more kids happy at the same time, especially when sharing is involved. But when tensions flare up between the boys, I do my best to be judicious and wise. In fact, if it weren’t for my wife’s intervention, our house would be filled with toys split evenly in half by Solomon…you know, for fairness.

At the end of the day, all the kinds of dad I’ve been have one thing in common: They’re doing their best. They may even be giving 110%. So Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there trying to make their way in the wild.