Funny Motherhood Quotes (for people who are moms—or have them)

My mom is a genius and not just because she thinks Im one[Funny Mom Quotes for Mother's Day]

Who doesn’t love being a Mom a good 85–90 percent of the time? There are the “Snuggle on the couch with a sleepy kid” times…the “My kid just ate asparagus—and liked it!” moments…and the “Wow! That excellent human came out of me!” days. With that in mind, we got our writers—all of whom came from mothers—to come up with funny Mother’s Day quotes. (Spoiler alert: Some are year-round funny motherhood quotes.) Savor ‘em, save ‘em, share ‘em with a mom friend! Enjoy!

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Funny Motherhood quotes about Mom Magic  

Only mom knows how to slice the sandwich so the flavor doesn't fall out [Funny Mom Quotes for Mother's Day]

Only mom knows which way to slice a sandwich so the flavor doesn’t leak out.

Things that dont exist: big food, unicorns, a gas station rest room my mom thinks is clean enough [Funny Mom Quotes for Mother's Day]

Things that don’t exist: Bigfoot, unicorns, a gas station restroom that mom thinks is clean enough.

More mom magic quotes:

  • Only a Mom can make you feel hugged over the phone.
  • Not only can a mom work miracles, she can be finished before breakfast.
  • Moms fart too, but you’d never know it.

Funny quotes about Mom Wisdom  

Mosts moms are genuinely concerned your firends might be leaving home without their jackets[Funny Mom Quotes for Mother's Day]

Most moms are genuinely concerned that your friends might be leaving home without their jackets.

More mom wisdom quotes:

  • Your mom was a kid once, who tried stuff, and regretted stuff, and learned stuff. That’s how she got to be so wise.
  • When superheroes don’t know the answer, they ask their moms.
  • Moms learn early that it’s hard to for a kid to scream with a mouthful of cookie.
  • It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that both coffee and wine were invented by moms.
  • If TV wasn’t supposed to be a babysitter, why is it so damn good at it?

Funny motherhood quotes that remind us she’s kinda too good for us  

All moms go to heaven, they already did their time as elementary school field trip monitors.[Funny Mom Quotes for Mother's Day]

All Moms go to heaven. Because they already did their time as elementary school field trip monitors.

My mom is a genius and not just because she thinks Im one[Funny Mom Quotes for Mother's Day]

My mom is a genius, and not just because she thinks I am.

More funny “to good for us” motherhood quotes:

  • Always remember that your Mom used to clean up whatever came out of you.
  • Knock knock. Who’s there? It’s a kid at the bathroom door while mom is trying to relax in the tub.
  • You can never repay your mom, because she’ll always tell you to just get something nice for yourself.

Funny Mother’s Day quotes  

Maybe buy mom a nice bottle of wine because a slightly drunk mom is really funny[Funny Mom Quotes for Mother's Day]

Maybe buy your mom a nice bottle of wine. Because slightly drunk mom is really funny.

More Funny Mother’s Day quotes:

  • If there ever was a day Mom deserves the bigger half of the cookie, it’s today.
  • Do nothing on Mother’s Day to remind your mom how bad the delivery was.
  • Maybe this Mother’s Day, you be the listener and let your mom be the talker.