Being a caregiver: A personal perspective

I will never forget the day in my parents’ garden when my dad, with tears in his eyes, told me Mom had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
After a few days of feeling paralyzed, I started problem-solving. Was Mom’s will updated? How were their finances? What would happen when Dad could no longer care for Mom? Where would they live? Did I need to have power of attorney?
I became so caught up with my list of questions and tasks I forgot the most obvious priority: to sit with my mom. To just be with her and to give emotional support to my dad.
It took some time, but eventually I got over feeling overwhelmed with responsibility. I found that this job of caregiver was hard work—but it was also an amazing gift. And I discovered some habits that made life a little easier and better for all of us.
Inspired? Create and share by tagging @hallmarkstores.
Checking in
I started calling my dad every evening at the end of my workday—something I do to this day. Within the first 10 seconds, I could often tell by Dad’s voice whether he and Mom were having a good day or a bad day.
Keeping routines
We continued to work on home renovation projects together. Dad and I wanted Mom to feel needed and part of our activity, so we welcomed her participation—whatever that looked like. I learned to live in the moment and to be so happy for the interaction you can have with a loved one in that moment.
Noticing kindness
I became hyper-aware of catching others in caring acts. Watching a neighbor planting and nurturing a new tree helped me see caregiving not as a burden, but as an act of love. Last winter, several neighbors shoveled the driveway of an older woman who has singlehandedly raised a special-needs son. She was so touched, and we all grew closer.
Taking care of me, too
I learned it was OK to say I could do job A, but not job B. It was OK to tell a friend, “Get ready: I’m going to talk for the next 20 minutes. Just nod your head in agreement with me when it seems appropriate—you don’t have to say a thing.” And I found that it was not just OK, but really important, to do some special things just for myself.
Enjoying simple gifts
I found my sensitivity to others and my priorities changing in very big ways. I learned to take joy in something as simple as my mom sitting outside in the sun with a smile on her face.
Of course, I can have these quiet, special and transcendental experiences…and 30 minutes later, you may find me on the floor throwing a tantrum. But it’s a journey. And as I grow in this role, I have more moments of peace and fewer as an “unhappy because I can’t get what I want” child.
The reward for me is a new worldview: I will show compassion for those I come in contact with—and show that same compassion for myself.
You may also like
See more-
Birthday What to write in a birthday card
Some people have no problem coming up with what to write in a birthday card. Just hand them a pen and they’ll effortl...
-
Congratulations Rewards for Kids: 10 Parents Share Their Tips for Celebrating Achievements
One of the most important tools parents have to shape their kids’ behavior is the power of positive feedback. But as ...
-
Congratulations How to Say Congratulations (Even When You'd Really Rather Not)
Congratulating others is easy and fun, right? Like when your friend worked really hard and got that awesome job ma...
-
New Year's New Year's Resolution Ideas for Groups
New Year’s resolutions are pretty lonely deals. It’s just you and that thing you have to live up to. Ack! No wonde...
-
Christmas Baby’s First Christmas Ideas
Baby's first Christmas means more fun, more cuteness, more joy...and definitely more wonder as you see the holiday se...
-
Mother's Day What to write in a Mother's Day card
Chances are you know at least a few moms who deserve a shout-out on Mother’s Day. If you’d like some creative ideas f...
-
Thank You What to write in a thank-you card
Express your gratitude with these thank you messages and ideas from Hallmark card writers.
-
Mother's Day How to Write an Appreciation Letter for Mom
No one has loved you (or put up with you) like Mom has. Or let’s say it wasn’t “Mom”—maybe it’s been a stepmom, grand...
-
Valentine's Day What to Write in a Valentine's Day Card
Hallmark writers offer up inspiration to help you find just the right loving words to add when you sign a valentine.
-
Christmas Christmas Wishes: What to Write in a Christmas Card
Get sample messages, tips and watch our new video guide to write the perfect Christmas card.
-
Anniversary What to Write in an Anniversary Card
Here’s to lasting love! From still-newlyweds toasting with wine glasses they opened on their weddin...
-
Lifestyle How to journal: 5 reasons, 3 ways, and 9+ styles
Start journaling today with our easy guide on how and why to journal
-
Card Ideas Envelope Addressing Etiquette for Weddings and Formal Occasions
When you address wedding invitations or another piece of formal correspondence, traditional etiquet...
-
Family How to Support Foster Families
It’s so exciting when someone you know welcomes a child into their lives, whether by birth, adoption, or fostering...
-
Faith How to Start a Prayer Chain
Praying is one of the most ancient of human practices, and to this day, billions of people still believe in its po...
-
Encouragement Comforting Words: What to Say and Do in Tough Times
When someone we know suffers a loss or is going through a difficult situation, we’re often not sure what to say. S...
-
Kwanzaa Kwanzaa Wishes: Connect with a Kwanzaa Card
Kwanzaa, a festival of lights rich in African symbolism, takes place each year from December 26th through January ...
-
Hanukkah Hanukkah Wishes: What to Write in a Hanukkah Card
Hanukkah is a lighthearted festival filled with rich traditions, many of which include food, fun, family and frien...
-
Kids Share the Love: Teaching Kids about Kindness
As parents, we want our children to understand concepts like empathy and kindness. We want to
-
Care & Concern To Care is Human: Why and How to Show You Care
What motivates any one of us to care about others? And of all the ways there are to care for people, why do we choose...