Simple ways to include children in caregiving
For many people, illness, injury, disability and other reasons for extended care or end-of-life transitioning are just part of living. Whether we’re the caregivers or the ones being cared for, the need for nurturing is, simply put, about as human as it gets.
Since most of us will experience caregiving, it’s important to consider ways to include children in the process. Encouraging and enabling young ones to be a part of caregiving in age-appropriate ways teaches them about the importance of helping others and about the fragility and dignity of life, too.
My wife and I are family caregivers ourselves, and we have been talking about ways to enable our kids to be involved, from actually “pitching in” with practical help to fostering an empathetic and loving connection with family members in our care.
We’ve put together some ideas that we hope will be helpful to you and your loved ones in your caregiving journey.
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Ways to prepare kids for caregiving
In some situations, it may be necessary to prepare your child for the caregiving experience, especially with younger kids. Certain conditions can cause changes to the appearance or ability of the person needing care, the setting in which they live, the degree to which they’re allowed contact with others and many other unfamiliar changes some kids may need help understanding.
Preparing kids can not only avoid confusion and distress for the child but also upsetting reactions that may cause pain to the person receiving care.
Talk to the person needing care first
If possible, speak to the person in care before including kids, particularly for in-person visits or help. Ask them (or their professional caregiver if they have one) if it’s OK to bring kids into their environment and what kind of care activities that kids can participate in would be most welcome.
Talk to the kids
Before she died, my mother was in a hospital bed for weeks, connected to a variety of tubes, machines and beeping things. We tried to prepare our kids with a description of what they would see when they visited Mamie, even going so far as to find and show them images of people in similar settings.
In some cases, it may even help to explain to kids what any unfamiliar equipment is doing to try and help the person. Sometimes the physical appearance or mental capability of the individual may be changed, perhaps significantly, and delicately giving kids an idea of what changes to expect can often ease any surprise or worry they may feel.
Tip: Perhaps the most important thing to impress upon a child is that despite any differences they may notice, the person they care about is still the person they care about, made up of all the things they’ve always liked and loved about them.
Read about the illness, injury or condition
There are countless age-appropriate resources available to help kids better understand health issues and caregiving needs. Sharing the experience of learning will create some degree of readiness in the child. It will also give them a sense of security that they aren’t alone in encountering something unfamiliar to them.
Creative ways kids can play a role in caregiving
In lots of instances—especially when they’re really little—including kids in caregiving is all about helping them understand a loved one’s situation and enabling them to continue showing their love for that person.
These ideas can help kids play an active role in providing loving support during a loved one’s treatment, recovery, palliative care or final days. Often from anywhere!
Send care digitally
These days, almost everyone has a smart phone—including most kids. This kind of technology can play a useful part in caregiving.
I heard from one parent whose kids like to make videos of themselves performing lighthearted skits for their grandparent. Another told me her kids like to email and text jokes and amusing memes to lighten their loved one’s spirits.
With videos, music, text and other creative content and capabilities (“homemade” or found online) in the palm of our hands, kids can easily send laughs, meaningful messages and all kinds of uplifting thoughts and wishes to people in care who have access to a smartphone or tablet.
Video calls
Another way to use our ubiquitous technology is through video calls between kids and the person in care. Sharing a chat, some laughs, happy memories or just catching up on everyone’s day can bring a great deal of comfort and even a sense of “normalcy” to lives affected by illness, injury or other causes.
Or you don’t even have to talk at all! One caregiving parent told me her family participates in a “video book club” during which the family members sit peacefully in their separate spaces and read their own books, connected by the shared activity in real time.
Letters and cards
A handwritten message of support and love can fill hearts with hope and happiness. Taking the time to sit and write a thought-out letter or card, even a short one, allows the child to be open with their thoughts and feelings in ways that feel comfortable and authentic to them.
And as one parent said, “who doesn’t like to get a letter?” If the recipient lives in the same house, instead of delivering the note, it can be left somewhere it’s sure to be found, like under a pillow or accompanying a meal.
Storytime
Reading aloud (in-person or through technology) to someone in care is another tried-and-true way to share time while also entertaining and lifting spirits, and many kids enjoy reading their favorite stories as much as their loved one enjoys hearing them.
Better yet, a child at the right age might read their loved one’s favorite books to them as a way to pass down shared experiences and introduce new generations to the treasured stories of someone they care about.
Photo ops
One grandparent said her camera “played a major role in helping our many grandchildren understand and cope” during her husband’s terminal cancer. He had his bed moved into the living room so he could be a part of the family’s daily lives, and on visits his grandchildren loved having their pictures taken sharing smiles and laughs with their grandpa.
And now that they’re adults, those grandkids have a cherished photo album that shows all the loving moments they spent with him in his last year of life.
Bedside blooms
One family with an apparent green thumb planted flower bulbs in pots by the bed of the mom who faced weeks of recuperation after surgery. Not only did the new growth symbolically measure her healing progress it also gave her young kids the chance to take special care of something while their mom was being taken care of, too.
And of course, the blooming bulbs brightened the room and the family’s lives like only flowers can.
Practical ways kids can play a role in caregiving
Easy meal help
Meals are a natural way for kids to help provide support for someone in care. And just like with meals made for your own family, there are lots of ways for young ones to play a part in culinary caregiving.
Youngsters can help with the actual cooking or packaging of meals or even by decorating boxes and bags. Kids who have good penmanship (or need practice!) can write out heating instructions for the recipient. And there’s always the option of including a kid-written message or hand-drawn picture with the meal for that extra-special artistic addition.
Chores
When someone’s in a situation that requires caregiving, that doesn’t mean that the simple upkeep of their space automatically gets the same care. But that’s where kids can really shine, and these acts of service are immediately helpful to the person in care.
The list of kid-friendly chores is long and includes helping around the house with dusting, dishes, laundry, pets and outside work like weeding, raking and washing cars. Kids don’t often love chores, but they may love the chance to do something tangible for someone they care about.
Care packages
Care packages are often easy for a kid to prepare and, like meals, can bring a much-needed pick-me-up for someone in care. Help the child think about their loved one’s favorite things—little comforts like snacks, magazines, lotions and cremes, candles, comfy socks, hair ties, mugs, etc.
For added fun and creativity, care packages can even be themed by selecting items perfect for, say, a movie buff, a book- or game-lover, a sports fan or just someone with a sweet (or savory) tooth.
Quick visits
For people in care who want and are able to have visits, those visits don’t need to be long. A pop-in, maybe to deliver a small treat like a cupcake or a card, can do wonders for someone confined to their space and bring a breath of fresh air that may last well beyond the end of the visit. Short visits are perfect for kids, whose attention spans are limited.
If you have an older child who is capable of traveling alone to visit someone in care, they might enjoy the sense of purpose and kindheartedness that dropping off a treat or stopping in to say “hi” gives them.
Being a caregiver is an important responsibility that can be equally challenging and rewarding; it asks a lot of us but gives us an opportunity to share kindness and critical assistance to people who need it most, often people we love.
Bringing kids into the caregiving experience provides them a chance to learn about helping others, to understand that we all have different needs—sometimes serious ones—at different times, and to compassionately give time, energy and aid to people in their lives who need it most. We hope these tips will help you and your kids provide appropriate care in whatever situation you may face.
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