I know You can, but will You?

A pull quote from DaySpring contributing writer Jenny Erlingsson that reads,

Several years ago, I stood at the window of our tiny master bathroom, looking out over the yard of the house we had just moved into. I felt a strange tension inside because I could see the potential for many happy years in this home. I could picture my kids running around the yard, our family posing on the staircase for Christmas photos each year and laughter ringing out from every room.   

But I had just learned that those scenarios were not to be. About month after we moved in, the years of praying over what was stirring in our hearts had come to fruition. We were moving to Iceland in less than a year. So, along with preparing for the birth of our fourth child, we would also be preparing to sell this house and move to another country. 

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I asked the Lord if He would really provide.  

And I struggled immensely. Things were already financially tight for us, and instead of getting to linger in the comfort of this home, all I could dwell on was the unknowns. Sure, my Icelandic husband was familiar with the culture and language of his country. But I knew Iceland was one of the most expensive countries in the world, and the state of our bank account did not give me much to rely on.    

That day, I leaned against that window after several weeks of wrestling with where the Lord was leading us, afraid that we would continue to struggle financially like my family did when I was a child. As I looked out over the trees in our yard, which had stood for decades, I asked the Lord if He would really provide for us in this journey of saying “yes” to the move.  

We all have asked questions from our core.  

Many of us have similar questions. We may not ask them in the same order or in the same situations, but we have all asked God questions from the core of our hearts: God, will You heal? Will You provide? Will You show up? Will You help me? Are You here?

There is a story in the Bible of a father with similar cries. He desperately longed for his son to be free of an evil spirit that possessed him. After bringing his son to Jesus’ disciples, he found they couldn’t drive the spirit out. Finally, when Jesus came, the father asked Him for help. Jesus told him that all things are possible if you believe. And this is what the father said that cracks open my heart—and probably all of our hearts—because we have said similar variations:   

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” –Mark 9:24 NIV 

I believe, but help me overcome my unbelief. This father brought his son to Jesus because he did believe, but consider how many times his faith was shaken. Probably as many times as his son was tormented and afflicted. Think about how many times your faith has been shaken when you’ve gotten that call from the doctor, or you’ve looked at your bank account, or like my family, you were stepping into what felt like an impossible situation or even an opportunity.

Your heart cry is, “I believe, help my unbelief.” Or maybe the prayer is, “God I know you can, but will you?” Because for many of us and for me, that gap is perhaps not an issue of faith, but one of trust. I knew God could do because I’d seen Him do miracles before, but would He, now, for us? Would He do for my kids, for my husband, for me? 

In that solitary moment at the window, I realized I wasn’t quite so alone. After a few moments, I heard the sweetest whisper fill my whole being. The Lord said to me, when you go, more will come. Those words filled me with wonder and peace. The Lord didn’t bring an easy answer for my cries, but He filled the gap in my struggle with a promise. Yes, He was pushing us to step out in faith, but we would not step out alone. He would not leave us to founder. 

Every step opened a door to God’s provision.  

I can look back on that moment from all those years ago and say, “yes, God can, and He did.” There were definitely challenges to face, but every step we took opened a door to another layer of God’s miraculous provision. 

How does God want to fill the gaps of your struggle? In the Scripture from Mark, Jesus brought deliverance to that boy. But perhaps the most beautiful part is that Jesus was not put off or pushed away by the gaps in the father’s faith. Jesus is not pushed away by ours, either. Instead, He invites us to cast our cares on Him. He invites us to acknowledge the limits of our capacity and to allow Him to fill all the spaces in between.  

I believe, Lord, help me in all the areas I don’t.

I know You can, God, help me to know that You will.

As You call us to go, remind us that there is more than we can even ask or imagine.

A black and white portrait of DaySpring contributing author Jenny Erlingsson.

Jenny Erlingsson is an Alabama-born speaker and author of romantic fiction and creative non-fiction. When she’s not ministering in Iceland with her Viking husband or mothering her adorably feisty kids, she can be found writing and reading in the margins, with a side of Icelandic chocolate. Find her work at http://jennyerlingsson.com.