How to let go of the familiar and embrace the unknown

For my 27th birthday, I planned to go to Paris with my then boyfriend—but we broke up a few months before the trip. For a hot second, I thought, Maybe we could still go together, but as friends.

However, one of my wise friends told me, “That’s not a good idea.” Instead of abandoning the trip altogether, my friend helped my mom get a ticket to Paris so she could go with me instead.

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This had been a serious relationship, so I dreaded “starting over.” But my big sis told me something that freed me.

She said, “Faitth, just because you don’t want to start over with another person because you’ve put in all this work, doesn’t mean you should stay in the relationship. If you have to start over, you’ll be okay.” Let me tell you, I did not want to hear that.

At the time, I shrugged off her comments.    

But her words never left me. He was a good man, but we weren’t right for each other. We had some special times, but he wasn’t right for me. We both wanted different things and could not accept each other for who we were without trying to change one another. I struggled to accept that. I felt like I’d never find my person, so I clung to what was familiar.

On this trip to Paris, my mom made me feel so loved at every turn—reminding me of who I am, celebrating me, encouraging me and laughing with me. She even tried to find a dessert for me in Paris so that I could have a “cake” for my birthday. I’ll never forget her getting a pastry from Starbucks before they closed and singing “Happy Birthday” to me outside. I’m so glad she went with me. It was her first trip to Europe, and I loved being with her and soaking everything in.

There was something about carrying my suitcase up four floors, entering the dreamiest rental with a loft bed I had to reach by ladder. The skylight above me warmed my face as I journaled. We went to the Louvre Museum in Paris, saw incredible art, went to another museum to see an exquisite exhibit and saw the Eiffel Tower and its sparkling lights. It all reminded me of the possibilities ahead of me.

I may have cried into my coffee sometimes, but I knew things would eventually work out even if I didn’t see how. I questioned my decision to leave that relationship and, over time, I saw it was the right choice. The years that followed were full of beauty, growth, pain, healing and freedom. I learned that I could start over; I just had to believe in myself and move beyond the fear.

Sis, life's lessons can come to us fast.   

I know what it feels like to be stuck in grief and fear. Fear of change and of the unknown. If you find yourself in transition or even having to start over as I did, the biggest lesson you can learn is that it does get better. Fresh starts and new beginnings are possible, even when it feels scary. I wasn’t sure I could imagine a life with someone else after years of dating, but letting go helped me to learn more about myself and become more comfortable with taking risks.

Sis, if you are feeling unsure about what’s next, I hope you learn from my story that you will thrive again, have joy and peace again, rest again, love and be loved again. Take the leap and let go of the familiar for the unknown. I know it’s scary, but learning to live fully rather than from a place of fear is important for your well-being.

A closed door now may lead to the right opportunity later. I encourage you to begin again.

Now, think about a time when you were glad something did not work out. How did you pivot? What did you learn?

Faitth Brooks is a social worker, speaker, writer and podcaster. Formed in the Christian tradition and Black liberation theology, Faitth uses her platform to enliven her following for collective liberation centering on the sisterhood of black women. Faitth is crafting communal space where rest, tenderness and softness are commonplace for Black sisters to explore.