When you don’t feel like it’s all good

A pull quote from DaySpring contributing writer Holley Gerth that reads,

When I start to worry, these familiar words often come to mind: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV).   

But I recently realized that when I think about how “God works for the good for those who love him,” I tend to picture an outcome. Even more specifically, the outcome I want. The situation resolving in the way I hope. The dream coming true. The problem ending. I want what looks most like a miracle, or at least what I would label a happy ending.  

But the ultimate good God has for us isn’t about what does or doesn’t happen to us; it is about who He is no matter what we, or the people we love, may face.  

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I sat in my counselor’s office yesterday processing a situation. She drew a circle on a whiteboard. Inside that circle, we wrote the things I can control. It was a short list. Outside the circle, we wrote what I’d like to control but am not able to. It was a long list.  

Many of the things outside the circle seemed worthy and important. I wasn’t trying to win the lottery. Instead, I wanted to keep people I loved from experiencing pain. I wanted to make sure they were always safe. I didn’t want anything I saw as “bad” to happen to them.  

In other words, I wanted my human version of good for myself and the people I love. The best outcome in my mind is always going to be the pain-free one. There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, but my perspective is always limited. Sometimes even what I resist most, like pain, is a necessary part of healing.  

I think what I’m struggling to release is the idea that I can know what’s best, along with my ability to always make it happen.  

This particular form of control can feel the most calming to my anxiety. I am someone who can set a goal then work steadily toward it until I get there. So if I can decide what is “good” for myself or someone else, then I can attempt to make sure that is what becomes reality.  

But deciding what is always best for myself or those in my life has never been my job. Of course, we are to use wisdom and discernment. We’re invited to take responsibility for what God has entrusted to us and make choices. We are to treat those around us with care. 

But that is different than placing myself in control of what only God can truly hold. His version of “good” might look very different than mine. He can see what I can’t, know what I may never understand, and have plans that take generations to become clear. 

I think the solution to my worries is likely surrender, although that is never what I naturally desire or choose. Because surrender means letting go of control. It means saying, “I don’t really know what is best in this situation, but I trust that You do.” It is placing the outcome in someone else’s hands.  

I don’t believe God causes all things in our lives, but I do believe he wants to redeem all things and remind us of how much we’re loved in the midst of them. Knowing this doesn’t take away the tears. It doesn’t protect us from pain. But it can keep us from losing hope or breaking under the weight of over-responsibility.  

Our trust doesn’t have to be in outcomes; it can be in the truth that out of anything God can bring something good.  

A black and white portrait of DaySpring contributing author Holley Gerth.

Holley Gerth is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author, counselor and life coach. Her newest release is “365 Truths for Every Woman's Heart”. She's also wife to Mark, mom to Lovelle, and nana to Eula and Clem. Find her work at www.holleygerth.com.