How to navigate change with your friends

Quote that says:

There is a level of uncertainty that comes with change, even wanted change. I have spent years writing about marriage, infertility and longing for motherhood. About chasing my dreams and picking myself up after a hard season. Now I am in transition: in a few months, I will give birth to my child. A child I’ve been dreaming of and praying for. I am excited, nervous and hopeful. All of those emotions mixed into one.

Inspired? Create and share by tagging @HallmarkMahogany.

Hope and even grief are often wrapped together.  

I am reminded that just as the seasons change, so, too, hope and even grief are often wrapped together. With motherhood comes hope and excitement for all that is to come, the ups and the downs, but also grief for the changes. There are friends of mine who have been in the trenches of fertility treatments, waiting for their miracle. In some ways, thinking about our miracle baby makes me feel as if I have “left” the group of those waiting and longing. I wrestle with the question, Am I leaving friends behind, too?

I know that walking through change does not equal leaving people behind, but it’s a very real human emotion to feel as if that is the case. As I welcome spring and reflect on my feelings about change, I am remembering three tips that have helped me through significant life transitions. As I welcome the newness of spring and all the change to come, I hope these tips help you, too.

1. Be intentional.  

Check in with your friends, send that quick text or make that call. Sometimes you should call people when you think of them, even if it goes straight to voicemail. I know a lot of people hate talking on the phone, but there is something so intentional about picking up the phone to chat. Even if they don’t answer, they will see you took the time to call. Do you have time to schedule a hangout, whether virtual or in-person? If so, do it! Or better yet, invite your friends over to your house to gather and talk.

2. Don’t make assumptions.  

Allow your community to show up and be the community you need without deciding whether (or not) they have the capacity to do so. I am totally guilty of this. I will determine (in my mind) what I assume people can or can’t do before even asking for help or asking if they are free to hang. We can’t dictate or control how people can or will show up in new phases of life. Maybe we grow closer, or perhaps we grow apart; either way, both are normal and natural cycles of life.

3. Give each other grace.  

During times of change, we can have high expectations for people. Sometimes your friends can meet you in the moment you’re newly postpartum and in the trenches with your newborn. And…sometimes they can’t. Maybe their on the cusp of change, too. This doesn’t just go for getting married and having kids; this is also about family transitions, parents remarrying and siblings getting married. Change is real and hard, and the best thing we can do is give each other grace as we all navigate change.

Love your people even as you change.  

Sis, where do you find yourself this spring? Are you on the cusp of change? Are you stepping into a new job? Moving? Getting married? Having a baby? Is life shifting with siblings and family? How do you remain hopeful for what’s to come while accepting the changes that are, too?

I am not sure what is waiting for you this spring, but whatever you do, keep your heart and mind open to new things and remember to love your people even as you change and they change, too.

Faitth Brooks is a social worker, speaker, writer and podcaster. Formed in the Christian tradition and Black liberation theology, Faitth uses her platform to enliven her following for collective liberation centering on the sisterhood of black women. Faitth is crafting communal space where rest, tenderness and softness are commonplace for Black sisters to explore.