Put some respect on singleness

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I’ve been single for a while now. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it; it’s just my life. I’m happy with it. To be completely honest, I never saw myself unmarried beyond my 30s. I came from a decent, two-parent home, and what I observed growing up set my expectations. When marriage didn’t happen, I felt no reason to panic. I just kept living and maintained the expectation. But it hasn’t been easy, especially with the recent discovery that some people aren’t as content with my singleness as I am.

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You can imagine how surprised I was to find out that my single status had such an effect on others. Since my marital status was not up for discussion, there’s no way I would’ve known, right? Apparently, there were quite a few opinions floating around about my being single that eventually made their way back to me and others. I picked up on it during otherwise lighthearted conversations. You can tell when someone has been waiting for the opportunity to share their unsolicited opinion. It quickly turns a chill vibe into something awkward. I’m sure my single people out there know what I’m talking about.

As singles, we have to be careful about allowing others to project their opinions and stereotypes onto us. These opinions can make us frustrated with the journey if we’re not careful. Here are some of the things I’ve heard lately regarding my singleness.

  • “You’re abstinent? Poor thing!”
  • “She doesn’t know how to submit to a man, that’s why she’s still single.”
  • “She’s not getting any younger—she should take whoever she can get.”
  • “A smart, pretty girl like her not married? Something must be wrong with her.”

Why is there such a negative view of singleness?  

It’s weird. Your unmarried status is not a problem nor something to hurry and get over with. You are not to be pitied if you’re not having sex, and you should not be accused of having standards that are too high. There is nothing wrong with you. As a matter of fact, you’re in good company, according to Biblical standards. Our singleness is considered the preferred status. We’re free of the duties of a spouse; we have the flexibility to move, evolve, and explore without being responsible for the wellbeing of another person.

It may not sound like it, but I am a huge advocate for healthy, thriving marriages. However, with so much emphasis on marriage being the end goal or the greatest achievement, I don’t think us singles realize what an amazing position we are in. Western culture practically insists you have to have a “boo” or a “bae” to be fulfilled; it has made marriage some type of status symbol. Meanwhile, there’s this misnomer that being single is something miserable, something to rush through to get to the real prize of marriage.

In my 20s and 30s, I wasn’t aware or even concerned about this. But the older I got, the more I picked up on the tone of certain married folks around me. Before I knew it, my adventurous, go-getter attitude was dampened by the onslaught of negative queries regarding my single status. I became hyper-focused on meeting a man and, quite honestly, it began killing my joy.

Eventually, I had a “come to Jesus” meeting with myself.  

I had to intentionally shake off the gloom. I looked around and took inventory of how blessed I was and how much I was thriving. Did I want someone to experience life with? Absolutely! And I still do. But that doesn’t mean I have to be miserable until it happens! I learned that I still must live my best life in lieu of finding a spouse.

I want to encourage single men and women, as I had to encourage myself, to live! You can freely come and go, dream and build, serve and grow with no reservation or interruption. Don’t let the opinions of others steal your joy. Don’t let what you see in others’ highlight reels on social media cause you to miss out on one of the greatest gifts ever given: singleness.

This is the time to work on becoming your best self.  

To develop a plan for your finances, explore different occupations, and even relocate to a new city or country. You can get that other degree or dive into entrepreneurship. The options are endless. Just don’t buy into the lie that singleness is “ghetto.” Live your life to the fullest and make your married friends put some respect on your single status! Then, when you meet Mr. or Miss, you’ll be well-rounded, fulfilled in your purpose and not looking for them to complete you. You’ll have built a great life to invite someone else to share with you.