New breath, new beginning

A lettered quote from Mahogany contributing writer Faitth Brooks that reads,

It’s hot in the room. In fact, it’s 106 degrees. My palms are already clammy, my eyes are closed and my feet are together in the center of my mat. The instructor for my yoga class says, “Set your intention. What do you want to get from today’s flow? What’s the word that comes to mind? Grab onto it, show up and be present here. Listen to your body, your breath and the rhythm of your heartbeat.”

Then, we are instructed to do Bikram Standing Deep Breathing (Pranayama), a pose where we inhale for six seconds and exhale for six seconds.

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In this moment, I feel grounded and relaxed.  

Honestly, when I first began practicing yoga, I could barely do Bikram. The same movements, the intention, the intensity—I honestly felt so lost and weak. My arms were tired, and I was so focused on how uncomfortable I felt in my body. But after a few months of going four to six days a week, what once felt very difficult is now much easier. And this simple breathwork exercise has helped me learn a technique for controlling my breath and stress levels.

I’ve always struggled with my body image, even when I was younger and my frame was much smaller. Experiencing violations and abuse at different points in my life only made me feel less in control of my body and agency. I felt as if I’d lost myself. Floating apart from my body, I was just existing. I wondered if I’d ever feel truly alive and safe again. Though I had tried many different things, nothing really helped me reclaim what I’d lost. Then, I decided to commit to my yoga practice while healing from major surgery.

I found my way back home to myself.  

Each day, I set the intention to show up, love myself and to focus on my yoga practice because it was important to me. I found my way back home to myself. I finally felt able to reclaim my body and mind. Trauma no longer had its grip on me. It was a new beginning.

Let’s be honest, it wasn’t just one summer of yoga that brought this healing. It was years of work, therapy and allowing myself to love and be loved that brought me to this point. My body felt like the hardest thing to reclaim, to feel in control of, after being violated and taken advantage of and after years of internalizing insecurities.

This new beginning gave me breath in my lungs, and I was internally resuscitated after feeling like I was drowning. The start of something new is often preceded by hardship or pain. I’ve learned that you don’t reach newness and fresh starts without wading through grief and hardship. You can’t heal what you won’t face. You can’t start again without acknowledging where you are and where you want to be.

We begin anew together.  

The journey requires vulnerability, consistency, focus, honesty and support. We need support because we heal in community. We begin anew together. Life was not meant to be lived alone. You weren’t meant to be isolated or alone.

Sis, life can throw us real curveballs. What painful things has life thrown at you? What took your breath away, and how have you been able to recover? We face hardships we never expected, still, we must find our way back home to ourselves and make room for the new beginnings waiting on the other side of our healing. What new beginning are you hoping for—and what can you do to get there?

I am in your corner, healing alongside you.

Faitth Brooks is a social worker, speaker, writer and podcaster. Formed in the Christian tradition and Black liberation theology, Faitth uses her platform to enliven her following for collective liberation centering on the sisterhood of black women. Faitth is crafting communal space where rest, tenderness and softness are commonplace for Black sisters to explore.