From infertility to motherhood

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I wrote an article titled “Invisible Motherhood.” In the article, I said, “I never imagined this would be my story in my mid-thirties. There is genuinely nothing more painful than meeting the absolute love of your life, building a beautiful life with the man you’ve always dreamed of, and walking through unexplained infertility. I remain very hopeful and believe it will happen one day, but at the same time, this has been one of the most painful periods of my life.”

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Recently, I was on a work trip in Ohio, and my husband came into town to see friends and pick me up. It was a stressful trip, and I worked overtime on crisis communications for a national incident we were responding to. I was exhausted, and I also remember feeling weird. One night, I ate pickle chips, fries, and a chocolate chip ice cream sandwich. I knew after indulging in such an odd dinner that something was off with me.

As soon as I went home, I took a pregnancy test. Three painful years of infertility and, finally, my turn came.

Early in my pregnancy, I battled fear.  

I tried to be hopeful, but I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Will the baby be okay? Will there be a heartbeat? Will the baby be healthy? Will there be any issues with my pregnancy? How will my geriatric pregnancy experience be? How do I stay hopeful without stressing too much?

Some days, I cried myself to sleep because I was anxious and worried. But over time, the fear became less prominent, and an unspeakable joy filled my heart. Every appointment brought a renewed sense of peace and excitement. Watching my baby grow at each ultrasound, seeing my baby wiggle on the screen and eventually feeling my baby wiggle inside me—the feeling was indescribable.

Motherhood is a beautiful thing.  

Motherhood is a beautiful thing and, on this journey, I haven’t felt one regret about the sacrifices I’ve made nor about the changes in my body. I am so happy and grateful. Each day, I say to myself, I am living a miracle; I am living in answered prayers. This kind of gratitude has made the hard days of pregnancy feel like just a minor inconvenience. The joy from my family and friends has been even more encouraging. Having people who believed and hoped with me, consistently celebrating me and showing up for me, has been priceless.

I’ve found so much joy in putting together my baby registry, decorating the nursery, researching baby products and shopping for baby clothes. I’ve always wanted to mother a child on this side of heaven, and what once felt nearly impossible and, on some days, out of reach has become my reality—a reality more miraculous than I can express.

Stay hopeful.  

I want to encourage you to stay hopeful. What are you longing for? What feels out of reach or impossible? Remember, what feels impossible today may be possible another day.

Do you have friends or family who are willing to believe in faith with you? Sisters, you’ll need support; no one can navigate hard times alone. We all need community. If you find yourself on the edge of giving up, I encourage you to surround yourself with people who will uplift you.

My prayer is that you find your way to stand in the sun, even when it feels impossible. Let the warmth take you over. This Mother’s Day, be filled with joy, hope and promises fulfilled. Miracles still happen, and I am praying for your miracle, too.

Faitth Brooks is a social worker, speaker, writer and podcaster. Formed in the Christian tradition and Black liberation theology, Faitth uses her platform to enliven her following for collective liberation centering on the sisterhood of black women. Faitth is crafting communal space where rest, tenderness and softness are commonplace for Black sisters to explore.