Funny Valentine’s Day cards (and ridiculous messages to go inside them)

A collection of six funny Shoebox Valentine's Day cards for different relationships.

At Hallmark we have Valentine’s Day cards for everyone you love to laugh with: your significant other, your friends, your kids, your side piece—no, wait, let’s not go there. Funny Valentine’s cards are a great way to acknowledge the holiday and connect through laughter. We’ve rounded up some of our latest favorites below.

And once you find just the right one, we’re here to help you figure out what to write inside the card, too. From silly to sexy and everything in between, you can keep the fun going with a personal handwritten message inside!

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Funny valentine cards for your husband  

A collection of four funny Shoebox Valentine's Day cards; the fronts of the cards respectively read:

Our fave funny Valentine’s cards for husbands:

  • If you like a little misdirection when you flirt, this is the card for you. 🥡
  • You text each other all day. This card will turn the flirting IRL. 📱
  • If you wanna tell him you married him for his brain—and the way it thinks—you need this card. 🧠😉
  • You’d never stream without him. He’d never watch the next episode without you. He needs this card. 📺

 

Message ideas:

If you can’t poke fun at your husband, who can you poke fun at? You likely already have things you tease each other about, and that can be a good place to start. Maybe he doesn’t load the dishwasher right, or maybe he thinks you leave too many lights on. Whatever it is, find a fun way to work it into your message to him.

Examples:

  • I love you even though you don’t load the dishwasher right.
  • From your wife who lights up a room and several other rooms she’s not using.
  • I would do anything for you but still not that one thing we’ve already discussed.
  • Honey, are you a weighted blanket? Cuz I wanna lay under you all night.
  • You’re my favorite husband so far.

Funny valentine cards for your boyfriend  

Our fave funny Valentine’s cards for boyfriends:

  • If you wanna threaten him—but like in a cute way—this card is perfect. 🔪🥰
  • This card is for the boyfriend who knows food is the key to your heart. 🌮
  • If you screen your calls for everyone but him, you should let him know. 🤳🏼
  • If you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he knows it, you might as well tell him in a card. 🎲

 

Message ideas:

Whether you’ve been together for five years or five months, you’ve spent enough time together to have some shared memories. Did you get mustard on your shirt on your first date, or does he send you unhinged memes a lot? You can riff on something like that or just compliment a thing you like about him in a funny way.

Examples:

  • Yes, I get food on my shirt sometimes, but it’s your fault for being distractingly good looking.
  • You meme the world to me. Literally.
  • With love from your lap dog of a girlfriend.
  • You drive me crazy. I mean that in both the good way and the bad way.
  • You’re perfect for me. Take that however you want.

Funny valentine cards for your wife  

A collection of funny Valentine's Day cards featuring sharks, dogs, hedgehogs and cartoon hearts making different smiling faces.

Our fave funny Valentine’s cards for wives:

  • If she knows she snores, but will never admit it, you gotta give her this card. 😁
  • She’s always ordering salads, then stealing your fries. Let her know you really don’t mind. That much. 🍟
  • If she has a soft spot for cute little critters, it doesn’t get cuter than this. 🦔
  • She’s made you a better person, but you don’t want it to go to her head. We’ve got you. 😂

 

Message ideas:

You know her, you love her, she’s your rock. The two of you share inside jokes, a bedroom and probably your French fries. You want to write her a message that shows her you’re paying attention.

Examples:

  • You’re like coffee to me. I like you hot and first thing in the morning.
  • Love you—no ifs, ands or buts. Well, maybe one butt.
  • You’re my rock, and I like to roll around with you.
  • I love you with all my heart and usually some of my fries, too.
  • I was right to choose you as my wife. And you’re right about everything else.

Funny valentine cards for your girlfriend  

Our fave funny Valentine’s cards for girlfriends:

 

Message ideas:

Think about what made you fall for her. It could be her smile, her intelligence or even how she laughs at your jokes. Maybe you find yourself doing things just because she likes them, like watching a rom-com or going somewhere fancy to eat. All these things could help you write a funny, edgy or spicy message!

Examples:

  • I love how smart you are, even when you’re just a smartass.
  • I’d do anything for you. Especially if you’re naked.
  • I finally understand all those cheesy love songs, because of you.
  • There’s no one I’d rather smell all the candles at the home decor store with than you.
  • I adore the hell outta you.

Funny valentine cards for your friends  

A collection of funny Shoebox Valentine's Day cards; the fronts of the cards respectively read,

Our fave funny Valentine’s cards for friends:

  • They get you like no one else. Which is kind of disturbing. This card gets it. 🤪
  • If they’re your go-to coffee date and they love a good pun, you can’t do any better than this card. ☕️
  • You’re BFFs because you go through life at the same level of snark. This one is for you. 🙄
  • If they’re more loyal than a golden retriever, this is a fun way to share your suspicions. 👀
  • Let them know just how hard you work to be a thoughtful friend, there’s no better way than giving them this card. 🫶

 

Message ideas:

Friends are the best, aren’t they? Whether you’re just hanging out or helping each other with rides to the airport, these are your people, and you know them so well. Think about their hobbies and interests. Maybe they love crafts, or they’re obsessed with true crime podcasts. There’s sure to be something you can reference inside the card.

Examples:

  • I thought about making you a card, but I suck at crafts.
  • Have a killer Valentine’s Day, my true crime obsessed friend!
  • Felt like doing something more than liking all your social media posts, so I’m giving you this card.
  • Rosé will never ghost us. Cheers!
  • You’re a human friendship bracelet

Funny valentine cards for kids  

Our fave funny Valentine’s cards for kids:

  • It’s a card with farting unicorns. What more could a kid want in a Valentine’s Day card? 🦄
  • Dinosaurs and a silly T-Rex pun? This card is for kids that like things a little gross. 🦖
  • This card has lights. It’s got music. It’s got confetti. The only thing it doesn’t have is a puppy. 🥳
  • We made the perfect card for your little hug monkey. 🐵

 

Message ideas:

Having a great kid in your life is something to celebrate. The kind of stuff that makes them laugh can go in a lot of directions depending on their age and interests. You can make up a funny poem, get weird with a compliment, or reference their current obsession, like dinosaurs. Kids love to laugh, so just have fun with what you write in their card.

Examples:

  • Roses are red, violets are blue, watch where you’re going, don’t step in poo.
  • You’re like a really cute dinosaur and I’m glad you aren’t extinct.
  • You’re a smart little land dolphin.
  • I love you so much, it’s hard to use an inside voice when I say it.
  • Love you and your silly goose vibes.

 

Laughter is a great way to connect and even show someone how well you know them. We hope we’ve helped you find a way to write a funny message with meaning (or not) inside your funny Valentine’s Day cards. Hope you have fun!

Want even more Valentine’s Day ideas? We’ve got lots!

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  • Valentine’s Day party ideas: Setup, sips, snacks and more